Mysterious cow devours woman

it's only January 9th, but I think I'll be hard-pressed to find a more favorite 2006 news report this year.

From the Nigerian "Tide Online," whose masthead notes, "a commitment to truth," so how can you doubt them? The full article is replicated for your edification, as the Tide Online doesn't have a similar commitment to support Firefox. Footnotes and photo supplied by me...


(pictured: The Man-Eating Cow)

Mysterious cow devours woman(1)
• Sunday, January 8, 2006

This may sound incredible(2), but it happened. The story you are about to read happened penultimate(3) Tuesday at Trans-Amadi Industrial Layout in Port Harcourt the Rivers State Capital.

This story is about a woman, who worked as a road sweeper along that road, but died while performing her legitimate duty(4).

Eyewitness account has it that the middle-aged woman was sweeping when a strange cow suddenly emerged from no where and strangled the woman to death(5).

Small Talks(6) gathered that the late sanitation worker a Kalabari indigene, reportedly had a quarrel with a male co-worker few weeks before the incident.

Sources said the quarrel emanated as a result of the man’s alleged refusal to pay a debt he owed her. The man was said to have threatened to deal with her for what he described as embarrassment by the woman while demanding the debt.

The strange thing now is that after the cow had accomplished the havoc, it mysteriously disappeared the way it came since no one could trace it after thoroughly searching the area(7).

Speculations are that, the debtor may have diabolically sent the cow to devour his creditor as he had earlier promised not to leave her unpunished.

1. "Mysterious" seems a bit undescriptive when you're writing about a strangling man-eating cow. Me, I would have gone for " super-scary."

2. Rule #1 of journalism, dismiss suspicions about accuracy immediately.

3. Penultimate? Sometimes I think it happened late Tuesday (11:59 would be as penultimate as you could get), and sometimes maybe the day before.

4. She would have been buried with full sweeper honors if there had been a body recovered.

5. I'm assuming "Small Talks" is our erstwhile reporter.

6. I think "the strange thing now" is my favorite line. A mystery cow appears, strangles (!!!) a street sweeper in front of witnesses, possibly devours her to boot, but the "strange thing" is in its disappearance.

It's a tough ol' place, the Trans-Amadi Industrial Layout, and not for the faint-of-heart.