I am guilty of being real

I think Sinead O'Connor is one of the finest artists I've ever heard - her first performance on "Saturday Night Live" literally stunned me. "I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got" is played as regularly in our car and home as any Dylan CD we own. But, O'Connor seems to have a genius for not only becoming a object of derision, but also then taking exactly the wrong action to fan the flames.

In response to two recent newspaper articles, one where she apparently called for a ‘national delousing day’ to rid Ireland's children of head lice, a good idea run under the derisory headline, "Sinead’s latest wacky crusade", O'Connor has taken out a full-page advertisment in the Irish national press to complain that she should not be called crazy.

It's an extraordinary document, and O'Connor's very real pain tears across the page. But she apparently never learned what most people learn as children, that the quickest way to get more teasing is to whine about being teased.

The full text of the 2,000 word statement is below:

I am exercising my right ...which is the same as any other person's, to reply when someone has written about them the type of article which Anna Coogan was made to write about myself and my brother Joseph yesterday in the Evening Herald. On foot of my having set out to do something fun and helpful.

I believe that more so called "celebrities" should stand up for themselves when subjected to this type of dismissive abuse which I have been the butt of in this country for twenty years now, without really ever standing up for myself. In an intelligent manner. To me, this issue is not about me, but about the freedom God gave all of us, in fact the DUTY we have, to be ourselves. And we all have the right to be who we are, without being ridiculed and abused every time we set foot out the door to go to work.

I have been the whipping post of Ireland's media for twenty years. I don’t think there can be any person male or female from this country who has been as consistently lashed as I have been and always am no matter what I set out to do. And what have I done to deserve these lashings? I have not behaved the way a woman is supposed to behave. I have refused before God to take no for an answer whenever it is because I am a woman. And if I complain about being abused by the media ye blame me for it. And say the abuse is my fault. I do not accept that.

If ye all think I am such a crazy person why do ye use me to sell your papers? Why do you bother writing about me at all? It doesn’t make sense.

And because having been raised in the era of Gay Byrne and Marian Finucane, in an Ireland which was allowed to voice its true self before the age of tabloid news. Our hands have always been encouraged in this country, to be raised and what I adore about my country is that very thing, that we voice our selves and we do so because we were given that gift by RTE telifis Eireann, in an era when nobody else would give it. I grew up in that age, where old men fired off letters to newspapers and one would think nothing of finding one's father exercising HIS right to speak. I am proud of being my father’s and my country's daughter.

I feel I have as much right as any person on this earth to express my opinion because I believe that we all can change the world. If ye think I am so ridiculous why do ye give me any attention? And the world is so full of agony at the moment for so many people, and it’s because of hatred. All kinds of hatred. And the media have done more than any religion has ever done, to spread unlovingness in this world but there comes a time when really it has to stop. Because ye are causing an awful lot of real pain to a lot of real people whom you think of as mere pieces of paper. Because ye have not met these people and ever sat with them. Nor walked a mile in their shoes. Yet ye are happy to lash women. When a man can say and do what he pleases and everyone thinks that's great.

I also grew up in an Ireland where people protested openly about whatever they needed to and were given that freedom, which is gone now. Replaced by fear. And no wonder people are afraid. If what ye have done to Sinead O'Connor over the years is anything to go by, they'd have dead good reason to play the game and laugh along and be very afraid indeed.

I am guilty of being real. In an arena which is nothing BUT a lie, never mind full of lies. If any of ye knew where I came from, believe me, ye would weep, if ye knew the half of what created Sinead O'Connor. Contrary to what your article stated, my brother Joseph himself, in Magill magazine some twelve years ago, stated that what was done to us by our mother was to the extent that if you did it to an adult you would be put behind bars. There has never been a dispute between me and my brother over what happened to us.

Only we deal with our experiences differently in ways which are right for us as individuals. I needed to sing it out. I needed permission to be crazy. Why should crazy be a term of abuse? If ye knew even the half, which you will never know, of what we went through in our mother's house in the Ireland of the late sixties and seventies which covered up so much child abuse. And people were made ashamed to speak and afraid of so called madness, or worse, the fear that nasty people would treat you as if you were crazy. A child of violence and abuse is not allowed a voice. I needed to really use singing and songwriting to express my broken spirit having arrived as I did on the music scene at 17 years of age. I talked about what my songs were about. Without discussing the personal experiences of my brothers or sister.

I needed to do that, so that I might recover my soul somehow and I had never found any other way. And yes at the time I talked, child abuse was a hot potato. Before I spoke as an Irish 19 year old, about my experience of horrific and evil terror. People wanted to make me out to be a liar. And they have wrongly repeatedly suggested that I am not speaking the truth. Before God let me swear to you that if I or any of us were to tell you what we went through this country would cry for a month.

To know what I and my brothers and sister survived, makes me proud of us all. And we will never any of us tell ye. For it is only between us four. And let me state that while my hero, my brother Joseph, may have been upset that I spoke, he never said I was not telling truth.

To me, I had to voice my self. And before me, anyone who talked about abuse was blacked out as if there was something to be ashamed of. But I was never ashamed. I didn’t do what was done. Why should I hide it? These things need out and I outed.

Which was unheard of. And since I did the media have been after me and it is them as well as me who have created controversy. I was being me. They made that a controversy, not me. But to bring my brother and I into a piece like yesterday's on foot of me trying to do something fun and good, is just abuse. And I really need to tell you all here, that twenty years of being ridiculed, lashed, called mad, by people who don’t even know me, who don’t even think for a second how that affects my life or the other lives they play games with, has taken a severe toll on my health and has had consequences for my life which have resulted in me really being fair game apparently for really an awful lot of people to really crush and sh*te on. And I know that I am unconventional and have been a little sh*t stirrer.

But for good and loving reasons, and I don’t see that what I have done deserves the type of horrific treatment of me by the media every time I set foot out to do anything. Could it be because I am an unconventional woman. Yes. For ye know if ye wrote about Bono like you do about me he'd kick your asses.

Mind you, I know he, not knowing me, thinks I’m just a crazy bitch too, and I feel so sore when every time I meet Harry Crosbie he tells me something horrible someone in the scene has to say about me. What did I do to deserve such pillioring? Was I not entitled, to grow up in public, and make all my mistakes out of an honest heart.

Not a bad one. And I came from such low self esteem in the first place, but twenty years of ye being so horrible to me has truly truly smashed my spirit and my heart.So I may have brought some of it on myself, but for what reason did I bring it?

Because I was real. In an arena of liars who lie to themselves. And are petrified by their own madnesses and have not the courage to go there in full view of the world as I do. For I don’t believe in shame or fear. That’s why Ye keep hurting me too. To shut me up because I am a good thing. But I will never let bullying and false cruelty make me afraid, after coming from where I came from.

I deserve life. And I have to be honest with ye from the bottom of my heart now. I know that being unusual, I am responsible for this mess too. But Ye are too, and it aint fair to always blame it on me.

Whatever I have done in the past, while I had a chance before god to speak for justice even though I might be mocked, I deserve to be able to sing and work and try to just do some good in this world and I can’t do it because it’s such a national pastime now, box sinead o'Connor. I tell ye no one could live under such pressure. I have never hurt anyone by what I said or did as an artist. Why do ye want to hurt me so much? I tell you from the bottom of my heart, I can’t live with it any more.

I beg ye please. Could I just be redeemed? Whatever I have done or not done, I am a good and loving women who did what she did out of passionate love for God, and for truth at any cost. Please, I just want to be a little old lady now, and not be all controversial and not be bashed and called crazy and laughed at when I open my mouth to sing or speak. Why are the media so cruel to people? Don’t ye see we are not bits of paper/ My heart is not a bit of paper.

And I beg ye, I can’t live with the pain of being this nation’s whipping post any longer. Untie me please an wash me down I ask ye. An let me just get up off the floor and try to sing some good into this world and I'll be happy never to open my mouth to speak again if ye will only call a ceasefire on Sinead because she getting old and weak an she just can’t take it.

None of ye actually take the time to get to know who I really am. An ye think nothing of being so cruel. And if I say anything I am blamed and told I bring it on myself? How? By being real? Because I wasn’t in it for the money.

Please. Can we bury the frigging history of Sinead O’Connor and not have all this same abusive cruelty barfed out every time I try to live.

I have three children to mind. I am a full time mother. Not what ye imagine I am. I have not had some "frenetic" life. Yeah, I been crazy with pain, as ye would be too if ye had come from where I truly came from. And if ye were on the receiving end of what I have been given by ye since I was nineteen years of age. And if ye knew ye would be proud of me, that I didn’t shut up. Please folks, can we come to some arrangement here because it ain’t that ye can’t see I am a good thing too. Why ye want to hurt me so much? I have not complained from my heart before. And there doesn’t seem to be a press complaints commission here. But since it’s become a national pastime treating Sinead O’Connor like a crazy bitch, if there was one, they probably would not give a damn.

Please, I just want to sing religious stuff from now on, I am thirty eight. I want to head into middle age with some peace in my soul, surely ye can say she deserves peace at least. I never set out to do any harm as an artist. And I don’t believe I have done any harm, or anything to deserve such abuse and ridicule and disrespect as I get. My kids need me to be happy and strong. Not afraid to live.

I’ll be honest here from the bottom of my heart, if ye want me to be someone who can be of use to this world, can’t ye give me support? After years of mocking me?I beg ye. Let me leave Sinead O’Connor behind and step out to do my singing without having to battle walls of prejudice and pain. I will behave. Can ye?

We are all entitled to redemption.

I believe I am a person with a very large and passionate heart who can do a lot of loving good for this country which I passionately adore. If I am loved and given space to grow and not have my spirit smashed in the ways me and ye have smashed it. I really love life and my kids and God and my singing. But I tell ye I cant cope as a vulnerable woman in this world, when I am still being bashed around as a national pastime everytime I try to do anything even good.

I need support. A lot of gentle loving support. And forgiveness. I grew up in public. Please let me live. And instead of spreading hatred in this desperately spiritually lost world, can ye not try to give a bit of love so someone might not have to feel that they are so awful they don’t even deserve to exist. That’s the real Sinead.

Being real. In the words of Eliza Doolittle, with whom I identify hugely, "I'm a good girl I am". Please stop hurting me and help me to be even better instead.

I realise I risk ye all taking the piss again. But I'm into being real. And not letting that kind of thing make me afraid to be who I am.

I am sorry for any hurt I have ever done anyone in this worldby anything I ever did or said or didn’t do or say. Please let me have a second chance at just singing and bringing some love into people's lives with singing, instead of bringing pain into my own. I ask you this before God and in God's name.

Please stop hurting me and maybe I could start being more bloody useful. Ye know if I were really as crazy as ye make out I am I would deserve compassion, not bashing.

Sinead O'Connor

Attention shoppers!

Only if you're circa my age and into weirdness will you appreciate this - a downloadable/playable collection of in-store music from the S.S. Kresge Store circa 1964 (via, where else, boingboing)

Four things you didn't know about Gillian Welch

1. She collects handmade shoeshine kits.
   
2. In high school, Welch made the all-state team for the mile and was invited to run in the national trials.
   
3. She was accepted to Princeton, but went to U.C. Santa Cruz instead.
   
4. She played in a Goth band called, "Penny Dreadful."

All this and much more in Alec Wilkinson's profile of Welch and her partner, David Rawlings currently online in "The New Yorker" web site, and in the September 20th print edition. (thanks, Jill!)

Yesterday's Tomorrow

Unlike, say, "Raiders of the Lost Ark", which was in many ways a modern updating of the adventure serials, "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" seems to be from an alternate world where it's always 1938. It's one of those geek movies, ultimately. If you like the basic idea of "Sky Captain" - which can pretty much be boiled down to, "Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear" - you'll find things to like in the movie, even though you'll probably come away from it unsatisfied.

It's a pity that the plot - or the acting - doesn't live up to the potential of the movie's stunning look. When I wasn't admiring the backdrops or acknowledging yet another reference ("Sky Captain" is so `30-`40s reference-saturated that at times you feel like saying, "Enough already! I get it."), I was spending my time wondering what would have happened if someone like Dave Stevens ("The Rocketeer") or Frank Miller ("The Dark Knight Returns"), or the Fleishers (Superman cartoons) had gotten their hands on filmmaker's Kerry Conran's technology. You feel like telling him, "Great look, kid, but you don't know how to tell a story. Give it to someone who does."

I'm not the first to notice that "Sky Captain" draws heavily from the two Fleischer Superman cartoons, "The Mechanical Monsters" and "The Bulleteers." The robot invasion of an art deco New York has moments where there are almost screen-by-screen duplications of both cartoons, even down to the use of the same camera angle as a barricaded police force unleashes a tommy-gun barrage against the robots.

While Conran's plot sometimes seems solely written to sneak in yet another reference (including, in no particular order, "Metropolis", "King Kong", "Wizard of Oz", "Buck Rogers", "Lost Horizon", the aforementioned Superman cartoons, and certainly dozens of others that I missed), the acting is what really hurts the movie. Gwyneth Paltrow and Jude Law seem to have been shown a couple of classic, "feisty woman bickers with heroic male constantly, but they really love each other" movies from the Tracy-Hepburn era, but it didn't take for either of them.

In fact, Jude Law's Sky Captain/Joe seems to have a bigger thing for his brainy sidekick, Dex, who he's constantly calling a "good boy", than he does for Paltrow. As opposed to any sort of chemistry, the dislike between Law and Paltrow is almost palpable at times. And if I were Dex, I'd avoid any invitations from Law to check out his, ah, cockpit.

If you know what I mean.

She has no feelings, no mercy. But she's awfully cute

Too much work, and not enough time, and the blog suffers. Found on Tuesday (via, of course, BoingBoing), a My Little Pony/Borg mod.

If you like hot air balloons, you'll love Shelly's photos from the the 2004 Forest Park Balloon Race at The Tinfoil Project. I usually visit Tinfoil and Shelly's essay site, Burningbird, every day at lunchtime.

Via boingboing

With three things that came by way of boingboing I want to link to, I figure it's easier just to create one post and acknowledge the "via" that way.

First: A complete Calvin & Hobbes slipcase edition will be released in 2005 for a reported $150. Time to start saving my pennies now. I miss them, Bill Watterson. I'm not saying you didn't do the right thing, but I still miss them.

Next: The site is so obnoxious in both design and `tude ("You may link to this page with this whimisical banner button." You may bite me, buddy.) that I almost didn't bother to link to it, but on the other hand, if you visited Disneyland during the `60s, you'll probably love the content as much as I did. The "Fortune Red" page brought back a lot of memories.

And, by the way, matey, real pirates don't need right clicks.

Finally: T -8 days and counting.

A9.com

I'm test-driving Amazon's new search engine, A9.com, replacing - at least for the moment - Google as my default home page. I noticed trying a vanity search for "Fred Bals" over the weekend that A9 gave fresher results than Google, but the Google database has now been updated and they seem in synch.

I like the A9 "bookmarks" feature a lot. Haven't really explored the other features enough to form an opinion yet. Fwiw, for Amazon users:

"[User name], since you’ve been using A9.com recently, virtually everything at Amazon.com is automatically an additional p/2% (1.57%) off for you. Collecting this discount is zero effort on your part. It will be applied automatically at checkout (it will happen whether you use the shopping cart or our 1-Click Shopping®). You don’t need to do anything to get this discount except keep using A9.com as your regular search engine.

We don’t advertise this additional discount that we give in exchange for using A9.com, so if you want your friends to know about it, please tell them. It is probably the only way they’ll find out. All they have to do is use A9.com as their regular search engine. They should make sure they are signed in to A9.com (it should be recognizing them by name) so that we can be certain they get credit for their visit."

Peg & Fred - York Harbor, Maine August 2004

It's so unusual for both of us to like a photo of us together, I thought I'd better post this for posterity. Taken at a friend's wedding about a month ago.

Working for the Mouse

Like a lot of adults, I think, I have mixed feelings about Disney. There are things I love about the company, there are other things about Disney that make me wince. While I was a fan of Michael Eisner at one time, I'm glad he's finally - albeit slowly - going, as he seems to have lost touch with the sense of wonder that is the underlying foundation for Disney's success. "What would Walt do?" is not a rhetorical question. For all the founder's reported faults, Walt Disney understood wonder and magic. Eisner seemed to also understand and believe in a sense of wonder at one time. Now he only seems to understand business and the bottom line... and hasn't done a particularly good job with either in recent years.

Note to CEO's at large. Do not make off-handed promises in your annual report and then not follow up. Several years ago, Eisner commented on the general appearance of the Disney stores; his one remark on the store's carpeting echoed something I thought each time I walked into one. The carpet material wore down quickly and apparently doesn't clean easily, their grayish appearance gives the stores a dingy, unkempt feeling.

"Hah," I thought, reading Eisner's letter to shareholders where he said, almost as an aside, that the carpeting was a problem and would be replaced in every Disney store. "He gets it, too."

There are three Disney stores within driving distance of Merrimack. To date, not one of them has had their carpets replaced. I lose a little more respect for Eisner each time I see one of those carpets.

I've often thought that I was glad I never had the opportunity to work at Disneyland, when I was a teenager and living in California, as my experience has been that the quickest way for me to lose respect for a company I admire is to go to work for it. That's not true for everyone, of course. My friend Chuq worked for Disney and continues to work for Apple and has good things to say about both companies. Maybe my expectations are so high - or unrealistic - that I set myself up for disappointment. "I want to believe," as Mulder's poster declared, the cry of a cynic who is really a disappointed optimist.

But if I had gone to work for the Big Mouse, I would have campaigned to work on the "Mark Twain." Amanda LeRoy wanted to be a Jungle Cruise skipper, but ended up as a Haunted Mansion attendant, a job she hated... for a little while.

It's a nice story, and gives me hope that Disney will survive the Eisner years and rebuild back into the company I want to think it is. Disney's done it before. There was a long drought in the Magic Kingdom before "The Little Mermaid." It can happen again.

I want to believe.

(link via boingboing)

Sean Penn to Narrate the Audiobook of Bob Dylan's Chronicles: Volume One

Sean Penn will read the audiobook version of Bob Dylan's CHRONICLES: Volume One (6 hours on 4 cassettes and 5 CDs)... Commenting on the forthcoming audiobook, Chris Lynch, Executive Vice President and Publisher of Simon & Schuster Audio said, "When we were thinking of actors to read the Bob Dylan audiobook, the first name on our list was Sean Penn. We knew he would be perfect for the material, and we are absolutely thrilled that an actor of his caliber will be reading CHRONICLES."

I wish Dylan was reading it himself. THAT I would buy. And yes, he could do it. If you've heard the so-called "Rome Interviews", you've heard a clear, coherent speaking voice, not the indistinct mumble that he's sometimes fallen into when singing.

Every blog needs a subject. Iggy has poker. Scott has comics. Shelly has photography, technology, cats, et al; I have Dylan and "Chronicles." Be the first on your block to read more about "Chronicles"! Get your all-Dylan news here!

Well, I'm cheating. Too busy with too many things at work, plus I need to go to a memorial service in an hour. So here's today's post, where I've added haloscan commenting and trackback, and got an automatic post for my troubles, which I've edited so I feel like I've done something.

Quote for the decade

Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys, which distract our attention from serious things. They are but improved means to an unimproved end.

- HENRY DAVID THOREAU Walden, 1854.

Burningbird looking for donations

Although the situation doesn't appear as desperate now as when Shelly posted the message, funds at Burningbird are running tight, and Shelly would welcome donations through PayPal.

I was full of bright little ideas - such as Shelly selling photos online through Bitpass - that I was going to pass on in comments. But she's a bright woman, and she's probably thought of that idea, and more.

Having been through the freelance blues, and expecting to again at some point, I can sympathize. And I'm lucky enough to have a supportive - and employed, and with health benefits - spouse during the hard times. Yet, if you look at Shelly's site, and the talent demonstrated there, you have to believe that she'll be okay.

How many web wonks who are also good writers and expert photographers can there be?

What do I hear for this animatronic Elvira corpse thrusting photo?

The horror! Spooky World, a New England Fall fixture for (of course) 13 years has closed its doors. No more "Let's all go to Spooky World" jingle which I used to sing repeatedly and drive Peg to distraction each October. No more Elvira. No more Texas Chainsaw Massacre hayrides. No more guest star Linda Blair.

If you hurry, you can go to the auction at Foxboro today and bid on such items as the Wax Museum including figures, "Christopher Lee, Aleister Crowlet, Fatty Arbuckle, Harry Houdini, Bugsey Segal, Bela Lugosi, Rev. Jim Jones, Albert Decker, Black Dahlia Victim, Sirhan Sirhan, Richard Ramerez, Hillside Strangler, Charles Manson and various size lots of lights and sounds..."

Buy the ticket, take the ride

"Eventually the water was up perhaps 6 inches on the lobby floor so we just played barefooted and used heavier card protectors than normal. Mine was a bottle of Balashi beer."

Indeed. Iggy continues his travel report from Aruba with neither hurricanes nor creative bathing suits able to swerve his focus on the poker tables.

Remembering 9/11

Although we hadn't planned to, Peg and I observed the third anniversary of 9/11 by watching the CBS DVD "What We Saw : The Events of September 11, 2001, in Words, Pictures, and Video" a 2-hour compilation that includes news reports as the event unfolded, as well as retrospective 60 Minute stories on the impact on the victim's families.

Watching the DVD made me sad and angry all over again. On September 11th, 2001 I slept in late, something I seldom do, and drove to our local bagel shop for coffee and breakfast. I was returning home and turned on the radio seconds after the second jet was flown into the WTC. The rest of the day I spent in front of the television, occasionally calling Peggy.

"We are living in a science fiction world," Dylan said in an interview a few months before September 11th.

Dylan's Chronicles may be excerpted in "The New Yorker"

... the "Chronicles" watch continues. The New York Post reported in its August 26th edition,

"Rolling Stone is not running a piece of Chronicles, Vol. 1, to be published Oct. 12 by Simon & Schuster. Instead, it will likely appear in The New Yorker.

Why Rolling Stone is out of the picture is unclear, but one source said it is less a question of money than of cachet.

'What writer doesn't want to be in The New Yorker?' this source said."

(via rec.music.dylan)

You Too Can Ride the Vomit Comet

Zero Gravity Corporation (ZERO-G) is "offering commercial, Weightless Flights aboard a specially modified Boeing 727-200 aircraft. ZERO-G is the only company approved by the FAA to conduct Weightless Flights for the public... The ZERO-G Experience, which includes training led by a professional astronaut, a flight of 20 parabolas, complimentary merchandise, awards, a post-event party, photos, and a DVD of the flight, is offered at a price of $2,950 per seat."

I wonder if the "complimentary merchandise" includes barf bags. There's something a little strange about offering a tourism experience that, from all reports, most astronauts considered an ordeal. (via boingboing)

Genesis fall down and go boom

PASADENA, Calif. (Reuters) - A space capsule returning solar particles to Earth crashed in the Utah desert on Wednesday after its parachute failed to open but scientists hoped the star dust inside might have been saved.

A silver, disc-shaped capsule containing the star dust collected in a $264 three-year mission was jettisoned as planned by the Genesis spacecraft.

A much beleaguered NASA noted it had misplaced a decimal point and only budgeted $264 to the mission. "Someone should have picked that up after three years," a NASA official admitted.

No, not really. :-) Reuters later corrected the figure to $264-million.