Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Sam and Nat Showdown

Kim Driscoll is running for mayor of Salem and she too is opposed to the statue. "Having a statue of Samantha Stevens [sic], although she is a good witch, and we all love the show, harkens back to a dark time," Driscoll declared.

"If people from Kansas come to our town and leave with a picture of a statue of Samantha Stevens [sic] instead of Nathaniel Hawthorne, it would be a tragedy if that's how they remembered Salem." Link to full article
Top 10 Reasons why I'd leave with a picture of Samantha Stephens rather than Nathaniel Hawthorne

10. Him: gloomy, guilt-ridden moralist. Her: perky, nose-twitchin’ witch.

9. Contrast and compare these writing styles...

Iffin, iffin” as written (and sung) by Serena

Iffin', iffin', iffin', iffin'.
Iffin' you wanna feel my embrace
Don't ya ever wash your face

Iffin' you really care for me
Don't ya comb your hair for me

Iffin' you wanna leave me weak and weepy
Ya gotta look wild and weird and creepy

Iffin', iffin', iffin', iffin'. Ya ya ya!

From “The Scarlet Letter.” Note that this is one effing sentence!

In accordance with this rule, it may safely be assumed that the forefathers of Boston had built the first prison-house, somewhere in the vicinity of Cornhill, almost as seasonably as they marked out the first burial-ground, on Isaac Johnson's lot, and round about his grave, which subsequently became the nucleus of all the congregated sepulchres in the old church-yard of King's Chapel.

8. Does anybody outside of a couple of pigeons know that he’s already got a statue in Salem.

7. Named daughter “Una” instead of "Tabitha."

6. Look above and tell the truth: which face would you want to wake up to every morning?

5. No evidence he ever wiggled nose.

4. Unlikely he was nicknamed “Nat” Hawthorne.

3. “House of Seven Gables” bombed in syndication.

2. Sam never called Salem “that abominable city.”

1. Hawthorne’s cousin, Eleanor Barstow Condit, never looked as good in a mini-skirt as Serena.

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